Facing Fears

I wrote a post couple of weeks ago when I was having a tough day...thought I would share what I was dealing with...I wrote this about 2 weeks ago.

One of my worst fears came to pass over three weeks ago. One morning in December,  I felt a lump in my breast and it was big enough to be very noticeable. I had had a mammogram a couple of years ago but hadn't been diligent with it, so here I was crying and scared to death. Because it was a few days before Christmas and we were heading for Calgary to see my daughter, I didn't want to worry my family so I didn't say anything to anyone for 2 weeks.

It was the most terrifying two weeks of my life. As hard as I tried to distract myself and find moments of joy, the possibility of breast cancer was always at the forefront of my mind. After New Years, I finally shared it with Don  who listened with love and compassion and now we were both worried and concerned. During this time I tried to reach my doctor or the mammogram clinic but nobody was open between Christmas and New Years. I was finally able to get hold of my doctor’s office on a Tuesday and they fit me in the very next day. There my family doctor confirmed my fears and sent a request up to the hospital that afternoon. So Wednesday, was my "dark night of the soul". Because my doctor had verified my condition, it was definitely real and I couldn't push it away any longer. It was probably one of the most terrible days I've ever had, trying not to think about all the things I might have to go through, trying to keep faithful and not to bargain with God, and trying to have strength to face whatever I was asked to face. I had a family that needed me and loved me and I couldn’t give up hope! The hospital phoned me back that afternoon and said they had a cancellation the very next morning if I wanted it...I DID!!!

So I had to ask for courage to teach Seminary that morning (Don gave me a blessing the night before) and then I went straight up to hospital where in two hours they gave me a mammogram and an ultrasound. How grateful I was for Kathryn and Tasha who work at the RIH for their understanding and caring. They made a point of checking with the radiologist and telling me right there in the ultrasound room that it was only a cyst and not to be worried about it. It was all I could do to hold it together and not burst out crying. I was so grateful and humbled. My heart goes out to all those women whose nightmare starts, where my nightmare ended. I have a new appreciation for the fears they face and the courage they have to have. I was especially thankful for health care professionals who acted with quickness and compassion. I can't tell you the relief I feel today, for my body, for my family and for my life.

I share this because I would not choose the path with heartache, loss and fear. Unfortunately, life often chooses it for us. What we can do is choose to face fear with faith, hope and love.

The Right Card!

So Rebecca, Mitchell and I are in Shoppers Drug Mart looking for a birthday card, when 2 guys walk past me right to the rack and the one picks up a card and says "Great, I'm getting this one!" Who does that? Picks up the right card the first time...is it a man thing? First of all I have to find the right section, do I want birthday, her birthday or fun birthday and then you have to read at least 13 of them and then you have to pick 3 and ask whoever is with you which one they like best! Then... you have to read 3 more to make sure.....then and only then do you have the right card!!! Seriously, don't be giving me your 3 second card!!!
Then again, if I was more on the ball I would have extra home made birthday cards on hand! But I'm not today...




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Getting through Today

Did a lot of decluttering today, as much as I love the Christmas tree...I also love taking it down. Today was a good day for that, just being home putting things away, cleaning things up and changing things around. Kept my mind off things, it's been a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. I teach Seminary tomorrow and it will be hard. I keep trying to remind myself of that scripture: 1 Phillipians 4:13  "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Can I really? I don't know if I can today.

Rich, rich Mitchell

One of my favourite Christmas stories this year is the money that Mitchell made with his paper route! Christmas is always nice because people will sometimes include a little extra money in a Christmas card for their newspaper carrier. The most I have made in the years I have been doing it is about $60. This year a friend told me that her son gave out Christmas cards and so I told Mitchell that maybe he should do that.
The day before we left for Calgary Mitchell sat down and started writing out Christmas cards to his paper people, after 5 he stopped because his hand hurt. I encouraged him to do it while he was watching a movie and so that's what he did. He wrote out 36 cards and then he and his Dad delivered them the next morning just before we left. When we got back he received two more tips but it wasn't until we got our map and keys back from the Piersons (who subbed for us) that we found out they had collected 5 more cards for Mitchell. To our amazement, he made $180 in tips this Christmas, more than he makes delivering the papers. He was one happy boy!! I think it will give him incentive to keep going. His customers are sure happy with him. I am too, he sets his alarm and gets up every morning at 6am without us telling him too. He has been very faithful and I think they all appreciated it! So glad he is a hard worker!!

Happy New Year 2011

The first day of 2011 and I wanted to be sure and post today. I have not been good about blogging this year and hope to be better. I follow so many wonderful blogs that are fun and informative! I want to do better.
I know what my WORD is this year!! Ali Edwards always picks one word to use for the year and I have decided today that my word will be FOCUS! I really need it, I need to procrastinate less, to work harder, to stay on task, to be focused. I want to focus on what is necessary, to cut out the time wasters and to focus on what is most important. How can I do this? By sticking to my daily tasks, to make sure I journal, read scriptures, to declutter and to make a to do list the night before! I hope that by being focused  I will get more done, be happier about myself and feel a sense of accomplishment at what I finish. I want to not only focus on taking pictures but on tellling the stories behind the pictures. My goal is 4 scrapped pages a month and at least that many blog posts. If I commit to one a week that might be doable for me. I want to focus on moving more and eating less. I also want to focus on family relationships especially on doing better at keeping in touch with my White family. Lots to work on and focus on this year but if I can keep that word in the forefront of my mind I am hoping it will help me this year.
So FOCUS is my word for 2011!!

...and what I will spend most of my focus on this year is my family,

and our sweet missionary Melodie!